waking up mad
Thursday June 26th 2008, 10:06 am
Filed under: blah,damn,tired Tags:

Nothing like a moronic Supreme Court decision on the Second Amendment to help me wake up in the morning. Maybe I should keep a list of things that Really Fucking Piss Me Off, to get started in the morning. Better than coffee, really. Downloaded the opinion, and because I enjoy being mad but not that mad, started with Stevens’ dissent. Eloquent, clearly argued, carefully stated. I wish my undergraduate papers read like the first part of the dissent. I wish I could teach the dissent, usefully, as a model for argumentation, but it’s a bit of a stretch. And as long as I’m hanging out all over the place with the wishes, I wish the dissent were the majority opinion. Plenary mostly done, only needing minor editorial shuffles today. This is the last of this year, so I can clear my desk next week and focus on the now and the next (minus 10 papers still needing comments, even though I’ve already graded them). So close.

a bit too soon
Saturday June 14th 2008, 11:32 pm
Filed under: seasonal,self-indulgent Tags:

It’s simmering. There’s grading, a friend facing a divorce, a trip to Yuma by the end of the week, YCT in Maine and NY for another week. Solo time, contemplative time, rhythms at once in place and unsettled. I pace, I play guitar, I hum a little bit more and mutter to myself. And discovered a kick-ass Russian deli, where I was told my accent was good. But not quite ready to write. Not quite ready to pour it onto the page, but a good reminder that, as summer approaches, as anxieties crystalize and yet become diffuse, that there are words, there are plans, there are things to do, to create, to bring into being, to learn. Nights to stay awake, rather than sleep, walks to take rather than to sit inside, risks to confront rather than the safety of inaction to elect. A bit too soon, yet, but skoro.

transitions, my fucking favourite
Tuesday June 10th 2008, 11:30 pm
Filed under: exit pursued by a bear,friends Tags:

A phone call, to ask a friend if he’d officiate at the wedding next year. An emphatic yes, followed by an, “oh, by the way, I’m getting divorced.” It’s probably for the best, really, a tough decision arrived at after too many years of decline. Not that it hurts any less, but a man of great integrity and fidelity and serial monogamy having a moment to look at the world a bit differently. Take it slow, ‘saac, there’s no hurry. The kids had their final today, so a great big pile of grading landed on my desk. To be followed by a supplementary pile of the other class’ papers on Thursday. So, it’s grading hell, which I need to power through (along with that overdue abstract and article review) if I’m going to drive to AZ next week, to get there and back before YCT gets back from Down East. Those funny east coast folks. I’m ready to be done, but not done, ready to work and write, but must hold myself back to close out this year first. An ongoing weakness of mine, eagerness to commit to the Next Thing before This is finished. An impatience with the details, the long drawn out process of closure. Not my finest year, teaching-wise, and a bit of a sophomore slump. But some part of me doesn’t really care, and was all the more surprised to see how many stamped envelopes they gave me today, wanting comments. Transparency in NGOs my ass. I wonder what ever happened to that couple, model of so many I have known and know and will know. Last year was all about exemplarity, which in hindsight, makes perfect autobiographical sense. And interpretative instability. This year? Causality and authenticity. Odd, really, and I don’t quite have the self-read on that. It’ll come, I imagine. For now, I’ve got friends in need, who are friends indeed. One bottle Musar in the ford of Oxen, one Bud Light on a river in Arizona, one me, one love.

it’s all relative
Tuesday June 10th 2008, 1:06 am
Filed under: Boozy,friends,grief,Oxford,reminiscence Tags:

Friends, concerned whether my cancer scare was in fact cancer, or a scare. Friend, whose scare was cancerous, and ain’t free yet. Drunk-ish, and emphatically tired, I confront the fact I ain’t done yet. It feels done, it seems done, summer is in the air and the air holds the promise of error, of a future out-of-bounds, of uncertainty and possibility and rest. But I, emphatically, ain’t done. Papers to grade, a final to finish, then a final to grade, then still more papers to grade, then a talk to give. Then done. By the time I hit the UK, I’m done. Despite an odd imperative to reminisce, premature in its siren call to find “whatever happened to” and “does so-and-so remember when”….A premature reminiscence, might I add….

Damn, Tone, Lebanese and Musar would be perfect. My treat. Several bottles of the latter, for that matter. I’m sorry not in the pity sense, but because I’m so fucking proud of you, proud of your effort to knock the diss out and get your bidness done. And I’m rooting for you to do so, regardless of sturgeon’s and their nefarious incisions. You’ve been strong for so many years, keep it up, bitch. That magic viagra of the soul you seem to have – keep popping it. It ain’t all good, but you’ll do, any day.

ivory tower, comma, humorous
Wednesday June 04th 2008, 5:05 pm
Filed under: Berkeley,Miscellaneous, Truly Tags:

It’s enough to make a girl proud: comic written by an old acquaintance. Pretty damn funny.

Tuesday June 03rd 2008, 9:44 am
Filed under: procrastination,Rubbish Tags:

Apparently, I’ve drunk at 6 of the 10 oldest pubs in the US. Not too bad, but they’re all Johnny-Drinks-Lately compared to The Turf or The White Horse. OK, alchemy and Chaucer call. As does coffee.

Tuesday June 03rd 2008, 7:56 am
Filed under: Miscellaneous, Truly,Rubbish,tired Tags:

There you have it, the beeb knows all: biccies make the man (or business deal). Not the crumbly variety, however, which means I’ll never close the deal.

oh, the houseguests you’ll know
Monday June 02nd 2008, 11:04 am
Filed under: friends,Work Tags:

A friend arriving today from Gotham, to spend a week with us, and a little more than a week at an apparently eminent library (that doesn’t have any of my shit, so doesn’t really interest me). Should be a good visit, all in all, even if I’m intimidated by her. She is fiercely intelligent and exceptionally well read. And opinionated. But really really sweet, kind, and generous. On the fierce side. The sort of friend who makes me proud to have as a friend, who challenges and pushes me, who makes me feel I’m doing something right with my life if these are the people I’ve surrounded myself with. A surprising number of them, really, even if they seem so few as the days are filled with morons. Last week of classes, then a final, then pooof. Time to panic about the book again, really. Time wanes. Still not back in the TPT habit. So it goes.