boat race
Sunday March 27th 2005, 8:50 am
Filed under: TPT the First Tags:

It shouldn’t seem a big deal, really. I’d watched on TV a few times, and only went down to Putney to watch for the first time, well, a year ago. Give or take if it’s a movable feast. But something profoundly sad about the modestly fun day a a year ago, out with a friend who never was and never will be a close friend, but was a great drinking buddy. Looking for adventure and finding, well, a good intoxicated time. For whatever reasons, and I must admit i’m not entirely clear on them, that March morning is somehow symbolic of the freedom I attained in London, the depth and breadth of life there. Dunno if it’s because I happened to have cash to go drinking for the first time after moving into the house I lived in, if it’s because said friend disappeared off into the alcohol-fogged mid-afternoon and I stayed out by the river for a while. I wonder if it’s the river itself. But nostalgia, in waves, for a life that seems out of reach somehow. Before I left I kept saying I’d be back; now that I’ve left, as much as I still want back, I wonder if hanging on a few more months wouldn’t have been a better plan.

exeat, pursued by a ghost
Wednesday March 16th 2005, 9:48 am
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The last day in the LES flat, the last tpt posting from here (ooh. big farking deal), the end of a brief era of living alone – the first since Spring/summer 2003. Regrets? Many, as always. Particularly because, precisely as I decided I needed to move on with this whole NY thing and commit to being here for at least a year a rash of positions opened up. Of the adjunct-y, one year variety, but still. So yet again it seems i could be anywhere in the fall – not necessarily likely, but not less likely than it has been. So, tell me, dear reader (singular), how am I to combine attempting to throw down some roots in NY with a longer-term view, and the possibility that, come fall, I might be in Kentucky, Tennessee, Minnesota, Rhode Island, Staten fucking Island, or Oxford? Sigh. ‘Separate the two sides’, a friend advised. How the hell am I supposed to do that? Grr. Anyway, I’ll finish up the move this afternoon and come back tomorrow to clean up: can’t face it today. And, alas, the mad Estonian hitman had an associate contact me, so running out on the March rent seems unlikely now. And ill-advised….

….are all my brain and body needs
Sunday March 13th 2005, 6:22 pm
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Wow. Been a long time since I’ve done this. Or the other. Or anything, it seems. But the day and a half of ass-rape has come to an end, and I can wipe the saccharine smile off of my face, rid myself of my oh-so-convincing enthusiam for the mediocre thoughts and work of others, and chain smoke a bit. The upshot? An invite to give a talk at prestigious East Coast U (must accept) and a forwarded email for a job at Small Catholic College, which has the rather nice distinction of being in the New York area. (Well, in NY, I guess; it’s a borough, but a weird one. From my perspective. Which is all that matters.)

Just tired, mostly. Especially of meeting the idiotic and the mediocre and discovering that they’re gainfully employed and I’m not. But I need to move tomorrow (from the trendy LES to the posh-ish UWS), throw out a handful of apps just in case, and come up with a Plan. Yes, I think it’s time for a capital ‘p’ plan. I’ve been putting it off for too long now, but the moment of truth may well have arrived. And with that, I’m sure I won’t write anything for another 6 months. Hmm. Mebbe should let the tpt domain lapse next month?

Thursday March 03rd 2005, 7:17 pm
Filed under: TPT the First Tags:

Both of you are clamouring for updates, or at least noting my silence. To wit, nay, to bemoan, the entry of long ago, “No…I’m talking about making entropy our bitch”. Alas, it is I who have become entropy’s bitch. You bitch some, you get bitched some? There’s a pithy soundbite of pseudo-profound wisdom in there somewhere. Back to the unstable surface that my feet seem to be standing on…